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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620964">(if loving you is wrong) i don't want to be right</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenomeow/pseuds/jenomeow'>jenomeow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Feelings Realization, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Rivalry, Sexual Tension, lots of kisses ;), math major yuta, music major mark, yuta has a motorcycle!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:00:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenomeow/pseuds/jenomeow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So, Yuta had a plan. A perfect, foolproof plan. He just had to fake date the most popular and talented art student and all his problems would be solved. As easy as that. Naturally, he thinks of all the possible outcomes... except this one.</p><p>How to tell the guy you fake date that you love being in a fake relationship with him so much that you now want to date him for real when he probably thinks of you as a friend?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Foreign NCT 1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(if loving you is wrong) i don't want to be right</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>everyone is the same age except for mark and hyuck who are like a year younger</p><p>thank you sosososososo MUCH to my beta who was the literal best and made this fic be /this/ readable!!!!! aaaaaaa idk what i would have done without you &lt;3 i love you thank you :') no but seriously i could talk about this for hoursssss!! my beta helped SO much i learned a lot and i just. im love them okay</p><p>so, i had like three breakdowns while writing this and it was supposed to be 4k but,,,,, here we are, 14k words later lmao enjoy!!!!</p><p>prompt 28</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Yuta’s life is based on his reasoning. He doesn’t do anything without analyzing it first. Even the minor decisions are deeply analyzed in a matter of seconds. That’s why Yuta doesn’t fail; he doesn’t allow himself to fail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or that was until he started to hang out with the guys from the art majors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, it’s not that his intellect became lesser or that he’s calling the art major guys stupid. It’s just that since he started to hang out with them, he realized life can be seen in different ways. That’s all. He expanded his circle of friends. One tends to change, usually for the better, when you start to listen to other people’s perspectives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His science major friends, however, think a bit differently about it. And that’s exactly where he failed: he didn’t take into account what his new friendships would arise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re making you dumb, Yuta,” Johnny says, serious. Yuta rolls his eyes, not paying him any mind. Taeyong’s face shows something between disgust and indifference every time they speak about this. Ten nods along to everything Johnny says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next thing you know, you will forget how to count,” Donghyuck, the youngest among them, comments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s when Sicheng looks at him with something akin to pity that Yuta decides he can’t take it anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, hang out with whoever you want, but by the time we finish college, you will be a fucking robot incapable of human emotions,” Doyoung snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shuddering, Jaehyun adds, “They are corrupting you, Yuta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kun pats his shoulder and Taeil tells him they will get him out of there. It’s then that Yuta decides to do something about this stupid rivalry the art and the science majors have. Why does it even exist? They are completely different majors, they shouldn’t even acknowledge each other with how far apart their buildings are.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta starts to think, what do they have in common? These two groups of people, seemingly so different, what similarities do they have? Where exactly is the common ground? He quickly comes to an answer: feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The art majors think the science majors lack feelings, and the science majors think the art majors have way too many feelings. An ambiguous, weird thought, but it’s the reality Yuta has to work with. It’s fine, though, because that gives him a few options. Making them talk about feelings is one, but he discards it immediately; it won’t do. The other one, the one Yuta is betting on, is making them respect feelings. Yuta’s feelings, to be more exact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t want to respect each other? That’s fine. Whatever. They just have to respect that Yuta wants to hang out with both groups. He’s confident on this option, because if all his friends share something, it is their desire to care and protect Yuta’s fragile feelings. Not really fragile, if he has to say, but it doesn’t matter what they think as long as he can do something with that idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So he has this: two groups of friends that hate each other, a shared desire to protect Yuta’s feelings and a silent agreement to not put him in the middle of their stupid weekly arguments. And what can Yuta do with that? Get a boyfriend that studies an art major, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s how he finds himself holding Mark Lee’s sweaty hand, smiling triumphantly at Johnny and Taeyong, the biggest art student haters on the whole campus, who, at least, try to pretend they don’t feel like screaming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is my boyfriend,” Yuta says. “Mark Lee, a music major.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They already know he’s dating Mark, but this is the official introduction. He doesn’t mention the part of all of this being fake, of course. Yuta almost thinks he can hear Mark’s internal screaming. But you may be wondering, how did Yuta end up like that? Well…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuta has a plan. A perfect, foolproof plan, First, decide who’s going to be his fake boyfriend. Then, pretend they are just getting to know each other to see where things lead to. After that it will be safe to say he has a boyfriend; he can’t just appear one day with a boy no one has ever heard about at his side and think his friends will believe his lies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First things first, he has to find someone to be his fake boyfriend. It has to be someone his art friends know about and someone his science friends can easily recognize. Yuta thinks and thinks and keeps thinking. Two days go by and he starts to get a bit desperate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, maybe he shouldn’t be that specific… anyone would do, if he has to be honest. And then, like an angel sent from heaven, Mark Lee is sitting in his usual corner in the library, slowly falling asleep in his chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark Lee is one of the most popular art guys. He studies musical composition and from what Yuta has heard, he’s a genius. He can do anything if it’s art-related; painting, photography, drawing, singing, rapping, composing, playing instruments, writing, poetry. Name a thing and Mark Lee can probably do it. If he can’t, he will open a book and have it down within a week. So yeah, he’s that kind of guy everyone in their college has heard about. The best part is that he’s friends with the art guys Yuta has for friends, though not very close to Yuta himself because he’s younger and usually way too busy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta knows Mark, kind of. They always see each other in the library, but since their book aisles are so far from each other, they don’t really talk. They just… know about the other’s existence. They greet one another. They talk about the weather for a few minutes when they are left alone. They have a barely-there relationship with the potential of friendship if they tried hard enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s perfect. No one would even ask how they met each other because people have seen them together sometimes— okay, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>together,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but in the same small space talking. Even better, not only would people believe it, their “relationship” would have such a big impact; Mark is known and Yuta is too. If they get together, everyone would know and science majors and art majors would finally understand their stupid rivalry is something that can easily be ignored if they get their heads out of their asses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With all that in mind, Yuta approaches Mark’s table and takes a seat in front of him. Mark blinks sleepily at him, but soon his eyes open wide and he smiles shakily at Yuta.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello. Uh… Yuta?” Mark mumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark!” Yuta beams, not as loud as he’d like, but it’s okay because they’re in the library. “Hello, how have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well. Good. Thanks, um,” he clears his throat. Yuta has always thought it was so funny how shy Mark is. It’s endearing, mostly because he knows from Jaehyun that Mark is not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>shy, but with him, he always is, for some reason. “And you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perfect! Actually, I’ve been wondering what you think about that old and boring rivalry between the arts and science majors.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark looks at him, confused, but responds slowly, “It’s annoying and I don’t even know why it exists.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, what a coincidence, I think the same, but I have a plan to end all of that bullshit. Okay, so first step, fake date me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark blinks. Then he blinks again. And then once more, before choking on his own spit, “What?” he croaks out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta sighs. Right, maybe he should have explained a bit better, or maybe he should have… talked about it in more depth. Yeah, that’s probably what he should have done, but he already said it so…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen, I have a plan, okay? Don’t worry about it. All you have to do is pretend to date me and literally all that rivalry stuff will be over. It’s simple: we pretend we’re in love, so our friends, not wanting to hurt us, will have to accept it. Your friends are art majors, and my friends are science majors, so they will eventually have to spend time together for our sakes and then they will realize the others are not that bad. All because of the power of love and feelings! There, everything solved.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again, all Mark does is blink, and for a second Yuta wonders if he maybe wasn’t clear enough. But he thinks he was? He described pretty much his whole plan, except for small details like the dates he already has planned and stuff, but he thought it would be better leaving those things out for the moment, not wanting to overwhelm Mark. So he sits patiently and waits for an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Mark says. Now it’s time for Yuta to blink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark is blushing and he’s avoiding Yuta’s eyes. Did he notice a flaw in his plan? He can just say it. Sure, they are not very close, but Yuta won’t get angry if Mark tells him something is wrong with his plan. It happens. It’s okay, they still have time to fix it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there something wrong with my plan? You can just say it, Mark. I won’t get offended,” he assures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that there is something wrong— well, yeah, there is. The whole thing is wrong.” Yuta gasps quietly and Mark shakes his head, quickly continuing, “It’s wrong because no one is gonna buy it. We’ve talked like, twice? We barely know each other’s names, and suddenly we’re dating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, but that’s why we’re gonna have fake dates,” Yuta explains, proud of himself. He gives Mark a tiny piece of paper with his phone number. “Here, text me once you’re done thinking about it. It’s totally okay if you don’t want to do it, though. I understand it can be weird. But if you want, I’d be thankful. I just want to hang out with my friends without my other friends being grumpy about it,” he sighs, standing up to leave for his next lecture. “Anyway, it was good to see you, Mark. Say hi to Jae for me if you see him around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he has to be honest, he’s not expecting Mark to text him. He knows he won’t, just by the way he stared at the piece of paper, fixedly and with no expression. It’s fine, Yuta won’t insist, seeing that it made Mark so flustered and probably uncomfortable. Yuta can think of something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few days, he’s already forgotten that encounter in the library, which is why it surprises him so much when he receives a text from an unknown number telling him “hey yuta, it’s mark. i thought about it and yeah, you’re right the rivalry is stupid and annoying. let’s fake date haha”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few hours later Yuta is waiting for Mark to finish his last class of the day. They decided they could start showing their oh so big and intense love for each other that same day. Yuta suggested picking Mark up and taking him for ice cream outside campus before taking him back to the university’s dorms. Why outside the campus and not in one of the shops that are closer? Because Yuta knows it will probably be awkward as hell the first few times they’re alone, not even sure what to talk about yet, and he’d prefer not showing that to people.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s just happy Mark agreed to help him because otherwise, it’d be harder to convince Johnny hating the art majors is not a personality trait and is actually very unattractive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The closer Mark gets to Yuta, the paler he becomes. Yuta just smiles, leaning against his motorcycle. He said he’d pick him up, and perhaps Mark assumed he meant with a car, but Yuta can’t drive a car for shit, so he, naturally, has a motorcycle. A big, brilliant blue motorcycle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark, hello!” Yuta greets once Mark is right in front of him. “How are you, darling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About to die, it seems,” Mark mutters. “You came to pick me up in that thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, honey, yeah. You’re gonna love it. Here, put this on. Safety first!” he says, pushing a helmet to Mark’s chest. He gets on the motorcycle and waits for Mark to stop biting his lips and put the helmet on. “Come on, baby, we don’t have all day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing, calling me all those cheesy names?” Mark grunts, getting on behind him. Helmet in place, Yuta shows Mark where to put his hands. “We’re supposed to be getting to know each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Mark sent Yuta a text accepting to fake date him, Yuta sent Mark voice notes explaining to him the steps they would be following for the plan to work and for things to go smoothly. He didn’t expect Mark to have listened to them already, being that his class ended just a few minutes ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine. If I don’t show my interest like this my friends will probably think I’m not really interested at all. Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they get to the ice cream shop, Mark gets off the motorcycle with shaky legs, bright eyes and a big grin, gasping about how much fun that ride was. Holding Yuta’s wrist, Mark gushes to him about how nice it felt to go at such high speed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not taking his eyes off of him, Yuta hums, a smile starting to form. Mark is so cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With their ice creams in their hands, they sit by the window and surprisingly, Yuta doesn’t feel as awkward as he thought he’d feel. It’s enjoyable. Mark chuckles at his ridiculous anecdotes, nodding and offering his point of view, letting Yuta learn about him too. Mark doesn’t speak that much, but his few words are enough, and he listens well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But do you think we’ll be able to act like a real couple?” Mark asks, once they start to talk about Yuta’s foolproof plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! Dating is basically being best friends but shoving your tongue down each other’s throat. And holding hands, there’s a lot of hand-holding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark gasps, “We’re gonna kiss?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta shrugs, licking his ice cream, “I suppose. If you want. I wouldn’t mind. We don’t have to have a full make out session in front of our friends, just a little touch of lips would be fine. If it makes you uncomfortable, we can always tell them to fuck off, but I truly don’t think they are the kind of assholes that don’t believe in a relationship if they don’t see skinship.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, yeah,” Mark nods, looking at his ice cream. “And it would only happen when we’re with other people. Anything for the rivalry to end, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right! That’s the spirit, Mark!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two weeks later and Yuta can say he has enough material to form an opinion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First of all, Mark is one of the kindest souls he’s ever met. Secondly, it was not that awkward. Thirdly, they are friends now. Like, actual friends, and not just acquaintances. It’s easy and fun to have Mark around; it was even when they were just starting to get to know each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, they have their story: one day the library was too packed and the only empty spot was next to Mark, as far as that is from Yuta’s usual spot. Since they had talked a few times, Yuta asked Mark if he could sit with him and Mark said yes. The following three days were the same, and then on the fourth day Yuta decided to just remain there with Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naturally, they started to talk more and more and then became friends. They went for coffee after hours in the library studying, Mark took Yuta home a few times and Yuta did the same for Mark. They started to notice each other around campus and they decided to give it a try as a couple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta almost cries after they finish plotting their backstory because what the fuck it’s so perfect. It’s a whole book! </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They begin to spend every free second they have in the company of the other, people start to notice them, and they start to talk. It’s not weird to see Yuta with the art students; he’s probably the only science major who talks to the artists. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> weird to see him with Mark, however.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark doesn’t have that many friends, even though he’s quite popular. Yuta and Mark have friends in common, but they’ve never been close… or that’s what people thought, because at this point is evident they are friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta is glad things are going just as planned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s week three and Yuta and Mark are in Yuta’s apartment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s tiny but not as tiny as the college’s dorms. Surprisingly, for an apartment owned by two college students, it’s not as dirty and messy as one would think. The number of beer cans and the absence of fresh food is exactly what you would expect, but other than that, it’s a nice and normal place. Mark likes it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are supposed to be studying, but after a few hours, they end up just chilling on the living room couch while watching tv. It’s not the first time Yuta has brought Mark to the apartment he shares with Ten. As always, Yuta ends up pretty much sprawled on Mark, after a little fight for the tv remote control. Mark always wants to watch weird documentaries and Yuta just wants to watch cliche dramas, so more times than not, there are little friendly fights that end with Yuta or Mark invading the other’s space and both of them watching whatever is on a random channel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark has his hands on Yuta’s hair, distractedly running his fingers through the fine strands, totally invested in watching how toilet paper is made in a massive factory. Yuta has no interest in toilet paper, but he does have interest in Mark, so he observes him, smiling at how focused he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s totally a position someone would see and think ‘damn that’s a bit… not something bros would do’. The thing is that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> bros. The other thing is that no one knows that. And the </span>
  <em>
    <span>other </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing is that the rumors suggest they are not just bros. So when Ten enters, making barely any sound because he’s sneaky like that, and sees them in that position, he just stares.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And stares.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And keeps staring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No expressions on his face, just staring at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta and Mark stare back, surprised to see him but also not knowing what exactly to do next. It’s the first time someone catches them being… like that. Not that it’s wrong, it’s actually what they are aiming at here, with the whole fake dating thing. But this is Ten, Yuta’s best friend, Yuta’s roommate, Yuta’s mechanical engineering friend who hates art majors and who is watching Yuta being all heart eyes at an art student in their living room. On the couch Ten bought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry I interrupted,” Ten says, with an evident and almost painful lack of emotion in his voice, eyes dead. “I didn’t know Yuta brought someone home. I’ll be in my room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaves and shuts his door without making any sound. Yuta winces; Ten is usually so loud when closing doors that when he’s silent is worse than hearing him shut the door with all his strength.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go talk to him before he loses his mind,” Yuta sighs, standing up. Mark looks so nervous Yuta can imagine him being like that if they were really dating and this situation was going on. They’re not actually dating, so he supposes he’s nervous because he doesn’t want Yuta to fight Ten when he’s there. “It’s fine, he won’t yell that loud while you’re here. Believe it or not, Ten has some manners.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without knocking, Yuta enters Ten’s room and finds him sitting on his bed, already looking at him, still expressionless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Taeyong is going to faint,” is all Ten says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Yuta sits next to Ten, “I don’t care. It’s my relationship, not his.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re really dating?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Yuta didn’t expect to feel guilty when lying to his friends about his supposed relationship with Mark, he didn’t even take that into account, so he can’t bring himself to look Ten into the eyes while he lets out a simple “yeah.” Ten, however, interprets his lack of eye contact as something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s fine. I’m not… angry or whatever. What right do any of us have to be angry over this? I was just surprised. I’m happy for you! You found someone to cherish and fuck, that’s nice… even if he’s Mark Lee the art student.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta just chuckles, still feeling a bit guilty. He soon forgets, however, when Ten offers to cook them dinner, and they spend the whole time either in awkward silence or laughing out loud at whatever joke Yuta tells them. Ten doesn’t speak that much to Mark, but he never speaks a lot to strangers anyway. He’s polite and by the time Mark has to go back to his dorm, Ten is already being his annoying self around Mark, teasing him about the way he looks at Yuta as if he was the one hanging stars in the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t that bad,” Mark comments while Yuta walks him to his car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t,” Yuta nods. “But Ten is always nice. Wait until you meet the actual annoying ones.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark just looks at him and huffs, unimpressed. “I’ve worked as a cashier in a supermarket. A few engineers can’t be worse than old grumpy ladies at eight am on a Sunday.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta is listening. He always listens to everything Mark tells him. He’s also watching very closely how pretty Mark looks under the artificial lights on the street.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They say their goodbyes and even when he’s in bed ready to sleep, Yuta still thinks about Mark and how he looked standing in front of him, smirking, eyeglasses on and hair disheveled by the wind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forces himself to not let out an embarrassing squeal and turns around to stuff his face into his pillow. He needs to sleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuta is having breakfast with Doyoung and Kun, and they have been staring at him for a while, thinking Yuta doesn’t notice it. He does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a while, those two have been acting weird around Yuta. Not in a bad way, just </span>
  <em>
    <span>different—</span>
  </em>
  <span> as if he is fragile? They tell him reassuring words, hug him all the time and bring him coffee when he’s in the library studying without breaks, pretending he’s not a human being who needs to eat and rest to keep himself alive. If he has to be honest, he does that constantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yeah, Doyoung and Kun act weird around Yuta, and it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Yuta can’t understand what made them start to do it. Was it the rumor of him dating Mark? But why would those two act as if Yuta is special and fragile and—?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need anything or do you just like staring at my face?” Yuta grunts, too busy stuffing his mouth with his sandwich to even look at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nothing,” Kun dismisses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two have been acting weird lately,” Yuta accusses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doyoung and Kun look at Yuta again, and this time Yuta looks back. They seem surprised and guilty, a bit ashamed, even. Hm, that’s more interesting than his sandwich. Yuta squints at them, waiting for one of them to break and tell him what the hell is going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just want you to see you can trust us. We love you, Yuta. We appreciate your friendship,” Doyoung says, solemn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, damn. He knows that, and he doesn’t need them to give him coffee and hug him all the time to be reminded of it. Sure, it’s nice and he won’t reject any of it, but still… it was quite sudden and he can’t find a reason for them to want him to remember all of that out of the blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Yuta admits, slowly. “I trust you too, guys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We know!” Kun hurries. “We know and we are happy it is that way. So, you must know you can tell us anything, right? And that nothing you’ll say will change the way we love and support you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinks. What…?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Doyoung nods. “You’re our friend, Yuta. You can trust us. Don’t feel like we’re pressing you or hurrying you, though! We can and we will wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just want you to feel safe around us, Yuta.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This evidently needs a bit of quick thinking, because Yuta can’t understand what the fuck made those two act so… considerate. There was obviously something that changed for them to be like this, and the only thing he can think about is his fake relationship with Mark. That could surely change the way people act around him, especially his close friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then his brain helpfully supplies the memory of Ten’s birthday party when they were in their second year of college. It was the craziest, most epic and biggest party this college ever saw. People still talk about it and it’s been a whole year. It was also the party in which Yuta came out to pretty much every science student out there. Because he made out with the birthday guy. In an almost 22+ way. Very dirty and uh— passionate, as Johnny calls it now. And it happened on the little stage Ten rented for the occasion. Out of nowhere just because they were apparently a bit drunk, a bit sexually frustrated and, okay yes Yuta has to admit  it, he wanted to fuck Ten so badly back then. (But in all fairness, Ten wanted to fuck Yuta too!) So yeah, add a bit of alcohol, a wild party, a stage and the cheers of maybe three hundred college students and you have Ten and Yuta making out in front of everyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, you can kiss a bro and still not be homo,” one of the guys in his class said two days after the party. “But the ass grab? All the touching you did? Yeah, there’s no heterosexual explanation for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anyway. The point is that since then, every science student has known Yuta is gay, either because they were there or because they heard about The Kiss when their seniors told them about that historical party. Of course, the art students knew about the party, but not about the— </span>
  <em>
    <span>spicy,</span>
  </em>
  <span> juicy parts of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kun and Doyoung just want me to know I can come out to them,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yuta concludes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wants to laugh and cry and kick a chair. So all his science friends and professors and even the cleaning people assigned to the science buildings know Yuta is very gay and he almost fucked his best friend in front of hundreds of people but his art friends think he’s scared of coming out to them? What is this life he’s leading? Is he a joke to god or something?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gay,” he says, just because they have been adorable, trying to make Yuta feel comfortable and safe. ‘Alcoholic gay party beast’ he hears Johnny whisper in his mind. “And I am dating Mark.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t have any time to respond because Jaehyun and Taeil are suddenly there, congratulating him on his relationship with the best guy on the whole campus. Yuta feels pride, but he soon kills that emotion; proud of what? Mark is not really his boyfriend. So he just smiles and says thanks to them, still sounding too sincere, but that’s good, it makes things more real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They need to make things seem real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That same evening Mark approaches him when Yuta’s waiting for him in one of the parking lots with a guy walking beside him. Just by the perfect smile, Yuta can guess that it's Mark’s roommate and best friend, Na Jaemin. Mark has talked about him, and he’s mentioned a thousand times how pretty the other’s smile is. Yuta can see it now, and yes, Mark is totally right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe,” Mark calls when he’s in front of Yuta, a small smile on his lips, and the pet name makes Yuta’s own smile widen. “This is Jaemin, my best friend. Jaemin, this is Yuta, my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being called Mark’s boyfriend by Mark himself makes Yuta feel weird. He should try to fix that, because from now on he will be called that a lot, and not only by Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you!” Jaemin chirps. “Mark talks a lot about you, so I’m glad to finally meet you in person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta chuckles, nodding. “Nice to meet you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaemin leaves after a little while, claiming he doesn’t want to take away from their precious couple time. Mark rolls his eyes but doesn’t tell him to stay any longer, so Yuta doesn’t say anything either. Once they’re alone, Yuta looks at Mark, still standing in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was your day, darling?” he asks, offering a helmet to Mark, who just huffs at the pet name but doesn’t scold him, instead taking the helmet and putting it on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was boring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, but it is better now that I’m here, right?” Yuta jokes. Mark is already behind him, arms around Yuta, when he talks again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m dating Mark Lee,” Yuta says one week after he told the art students.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s in the library with Sicheng and Donghyuck, buried in physics books. Exams are around the corner and Yuta is sure none of them has showered in two whole days, but at least they’re not behind with their assignments… okay, they are, but only a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stress is killing Yuta, but to be fair, stress is killing everyone. He can’t remember the last time he saw Ten in the apartment, both of them in their own rooms, too busy with projects to even go to the kitchen, or simply not in the apartment for days, crashing in their teammates’ dorms to make time to finish whatever thing they have to do. The only person he gets to see regularly is Sicheng, who also majors in applied maths. Oh, and Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark texts him often, and he brings Yuta coffee whenever he’s free, which is not very often but still. Yuta, in exchange, finds himself bringing Mark snacks; he knows Mark drinks enough coffee, he doesn’t need more, but he forgets to eat when he’s busy. Luckily for him, Yuta is really concerned about that issue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before they started to fake date, Yuta was sure he didn’t have time for himself and even less for anyone else when exams arrived. At most, he would plan study dates with his friends in the library and stress and study together for a while. How he managed to make time to cross the campus to the art buildings just to give a stressed, sleep-deprived Mark a salad and a bag of chips is still a mystery to Yuta.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not just that, he reasoned that if he has time for Mark, he has time for his friends and he has time for himself. Time to send a quick message to the group chat, time to eat. Not time to take a shower when he has to submit this essay in an hour, but it’s better than what it has been in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And maybe it’s because he’s so tired he could faint any moment, or because he’s just happy even in the current circumstances, but he finds himself dropping the bomb to Sicheng and Donghyuck, who just stare blankly at him, as Ten did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I supposed you were dating two weeks ago when I saw him riding your motorcycle, hugging you from behind in a very no-bro way,” Donghyuck nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I didn’t know, but the rumors are everywhere. Whatever, congrats. You can finally stop complaining about wanting a boyfriend because you have one now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both start to joke and tease Yuta, and he can see they’re a bit uncomfortable with who his partner is, but they are smart enough to not let that overcome their happiness for their friend. Going good so far, but he still has the heavy part of it all yet to come: telling Johnny and Taeyong, and even worse, making the two groups hang out without a war starting the moment they are in the same place.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He decides to tell his last two friends the moment exams are over, when the stress has just left their bodies. The promise of better times to come. He’s sure this is the most relaxed they’ve been in a while, and he doesn’t know whether to feel bad because he’s about to send his friends’ blood pressure to the sky or feel relieved because they are less likely to make a scene now that they are not sleep-deprived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta has a perfect plan with lots of steps to follow so he can make sure everything goes well… but does it matter when he knows Johnny and Taeyong will probably throw up the moment he mentions Mark? Is it worth the loss of brain cells? Is it, really?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he decides to just—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you already know I’m dating Mark Lee. If you say anything negative about it I’m kicking your asses,” Yuta tells them while they are having lunch in a cafeteria near the humanities’ buildings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sicheng chews his burrito slowly, watching attentively at Johnny’s and Taeyong’s reactions. Donghyuck doesn’t even pretend, he just stares, his sandwich forgotten. Ten is also staring, but he looks like he’s watching a movie and the most exciting part is about to occur. It bothers Yuta a bit because, Ten? He’s talking about his fake relationship with the two biggest art students haters ever, a bit of respect, please. This is serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Johnny and Taeyong look like they do want to say negative things, but they also look like they would rather bite their own tongues before saying anything bad in front of Yuta’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s silent for a while until Taeyong clears his throat. “Yeah, uh, we knew already. Everyone does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s a lucky bastard for having you as his boyfriend,” it’s all Johnny says, and okay, not very nice but also not that offensive, so Yuta will take it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiles and things go back to normal, no more awkward vibes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It saddens Yuta a bit because if this relationship was real, those two would react like this. They think it’s real, and they are acting like this. It’s not that bad but… it hurts Yuta that they can so easily judge his happiness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once their friends know, which is the most important and vital part of this fake dating thing, it is time to let the rest of the college know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark suggests they do it in an easy, quick way: an Instagram post. How else if not like that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they hold hands, Yuta kisses Mark’s cheek, they take a few pictures and let the university go wild on their comment sections.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The interesting part has started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They have their spot in the library. It’s a quiet corner, it’s not too close nor too far away from the arts section or the sciences section. It’s perfect for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even before they started to fake date, Yuta had noticed Mark. It’s hard not to when the guy is always with some of Yuta’s friends. It’s hard not to notice when the guy is this popular. It’s hard not to notice the guy when he’s Mark Lee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Handsome, talented, polite, funny Mark Lee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yeah, Yuta knew about Mark even before he started to hang out with the art majors. When they had friends in common, though, Yuta started to pay attention. Listening and observing, Yuta realized Mark likes to study in the quietest corners, and that he likes to be near a window.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Yuta remembered that the moment they decided to start having more study dates in the library, he set a goal: to find the perfect spot. The library was extremely big, there had to exist a space that resembled paradise on Earth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It did exist, and it was here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next to a window with a soccer field as the view, hidden between bookcases full of political science tomes. It is quiet and well illuminated. It’s only a bit closer to the art section, but what are a few steps more when Mark is evidently happy with Yuta’s discovery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Studying every Monday and Thursday becomes a tradition for them, just like it becomes a tradition for Mark to take Yuta home on Wednesdays. That’s the day Yuta doesn’t go to school on his motorcycle because Sicheng always picks Yuta and Ten up in the mornings. Then, when it is time to go home, Yuta has to take the bus. When Mark knew about that, he offered to take Yuta home in his car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little by little, they start to make memories and form routines and traditions. It’s a nice feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuta doesn’t even notice it. Mark doesn’t either. Yuta’s science friends, however, do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you noticed how much time you spend with anyone but us?” Donghyuck asks bluntly one day. Yuta blinks at him. Taeyong sighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He means that you’ve barely spent time with us since you told us you’re dating Mark,” Taeyong clarifies. Yuta blinks again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Has he? He didn’t notice. It’s not true, anyway. He had lunch with them just yesterday. They are going to his and Ten’s apartment for a movie night after a whole day of just hanging out around the city. If anything, Yuta spends even more time with them, so he can’t understand why they are saying all that bullshit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a raised eyebrow he scoffs, “Um? No? I spend the same amount of time with you all, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taeyong looks as if he wants to punch him on the face but also to hide under a rock and never go out again. Donghyuck smiles encouragingly at the older, and Yuta decides to wait for him to gather his ideas or whatever he is doing at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With Mark,” he says finally. “You don’t spend time with us and Mark. He’s never around when you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s totally not what you said just a moment ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, we’re bad with words. We thought you’d get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it’s Yuta’s turn to stay silent for a while. Well, that is true. Except for the times Ten decides to stay in the living room to watch a movie with them or when they catch a glimpse of Yuta and Mark in the library, his science friends and them don’t spend any time together. They, however, spend a lot of time with the art guys. Yuta can understand why the science guys are weirded out and feeling excluded. He supposes that in a real relationship, it is normal to hang out with the two groups of friends of the couple, and even when the art majors are also Yuta’s friends, they technically are </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mark’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>group of friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta feels a bit guilty at the realization of him deciding not to have Mark and his science friends in the same space, fearing for them making Mark uncomfortable with their stupid hatred for art students. He didn’t think too much into it, just not wanting to make Mark feel awkward and letting that influence him at the moment of taking decisions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s totally out of the plan. It’s something Yuta shouldn’t do. Mark is supposed to spend time with the science guys so they can realize art majors are cool. Since when did Mark’s feelings matter more than his foolproof plan?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah. Well, what do you want us to do when you are just going to be stupid with that rivalry thing and make Mark feel weird?” Yuta snarls. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Snarls.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>God. This is feeling oddly personal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, we won’t!” Donghyuck hurries. “If anything, Johnny and Taeyong will keep their mouths shut, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right!” Taeyong nods, then sighs. “I’m sorry, Yuta. If we made you feel like we don’t support you and your relationship. It’s so fucking stupid of us, and we’re so sorry. We’d never— we’d never let anything as dumb as an old rivalry get in the way of your love life. No one even knows why it exists. We’re your friends and Mark is your boyfriend. I’m sure we can coincide in our desire to keep you happy. So, just,” he clears his throat again. “Just bring him to our movie nights and stuff, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not knowing what to say, and refusing to think too deeply about how much all those words mean to him, Yuta just nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few days later, Yuta brings Mark to have lunch with them, and it is awkward, but not in a bad, judging way. It’s awkward in a shy way. No one but Johnny and sometimes Ten and Donghyuck are good around strangers. Of course, Johnny can take the silence only two minutes before he starts talking and making everyone laugh, making Mark feel included. To Yuta’s delight, they all get along pretty well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His chest tightens at the sight of Mark seated beside Sicheng, laughing loudly at something with Taeyong and Johnny. It’s so nice. It makes Yuta giggle and makes his stomach feel all weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are spending time in a cafe. Yuta has two study hours and he decided to spend one of them with Mark before his class started, one hour earlier than Yuta’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it even fun to do so many numbers on the daily?” Mark asks, curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it even fun to carry a guitar around everywhere you go on the daily?” Yuta asks back. Mark laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not fun but… comforting, I guess? The guitar’s weight is something I got too used to. And I don’t even carry it that much, shut up,” Mark responds, making little balls with his napkin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But making music sounds like fun. A fun major. Interesting,” Yuta hums, resting his head on his hand while looking at Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is fun. A pain in the ass, sometimes, but all the majors are like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They are,” Yuta agrees.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think maths are fun too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta chuckles, “You don’t think that”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blushing, Mark lowers his gaze, back to his napkin. “Okay, yeah. I don’t think they’re fun, but I do think to be so good at them you can major in them is pretty incredible. And I do think loving them is interesting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a thing of natural talents and skills and passions, Yuta knows. For him, maths are a normal thing. For his closest friends, maths are nothing incredible. Maths are a tool, sometimes a hobby. A thing they must know how to do. Nothing that great. Ah, but things like art? Now those are different. Those are a mystery he can’t comprehend, a discipline he can’t master. It’s interesting, these contrasting opinions and points of view; what for Yuta is sometimes boring, for Mark is fascinating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Receive compliments on the major he chose, on the skill he has for the numbers, it’s something Yuta is used to. When they come from Mark, however, the compliments feel new, genuine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wonders if it’s the same for Mark, when Yuta praises how skilled Mark is at playing the guitar, and he wonders if he feels the same fluttering sensation in his stomach when Yuta gapes at the lyrics Mark shows him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Yuta beams. “I think the same about music.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But maths are sexier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both stare at each other, surprised at the turn the conversation took. Yuta laughs, making Mark huff and whine for him to shut up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I’m sexy because I can do maths?” Yuta questions, still giggling. Mark scowls at him, rolling his eyes, but Yuta can’t take him seriously when he’s blushing that much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said that. But yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Mark,” Yuta purrs, playfully. “I think you’re so sexy too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, asshole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta laughs some more at that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then it’s time for Mark to go to class and Yuta decides to go with him, not having anything else to do for an hour more. When they’re at Mark’s classroom door, Mark turns to Yuta.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later, babe,” he says. Yuta nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta has no idea why he does the following thing. Really, no idea. Mark is just there looking at him, smiling sweetly, eyeglasses on and a fluffy hoodie Yuta just loves how it looks on Mark, because red is </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mark’s color, so Yuta, naturally, just— leans and presses his lips against Mark’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s quick and totally unplanned, and it doesn’t feel like fireworks or as if the heavens had revealed their secrets to Yuta. It feels fluttering, yeah, but everything is fluttering when he’s around Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels natural. Normal. Good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you later, darling,” Yuta pronounces, not quiet and not loud. They’re still almost pressed together, and Yuta wants to lean again and kiss Mark properly now, not just a peck. But Mark has class and Yuta has to— do something with that hour he has. Study. Do assignments. Yeah.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark smiles, and it’s soft, lovely, sweet, it reaches his eyes, making them shine, and it hits Yuta straight in the heart, which starts beating so fast it bothers him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s normal, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a quick squeeze to Yuta’s hand, Mark leaves and enters the classroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s the normal thing to do when fake dating your friend, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s way more awkward than what Yuta imagined this moment would be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost two months since he first started his plan and he considered it was time to start getting more aggressive with his advances. That’s how he ended up in this situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten is at his left, drinking his apple juice silently, judging with his gaze everyone near him, including Yuta. Especially Yuta. Mark is on Yuta’s right, smiling tightly. Next to Ten are the rest of the science guys, and next to Mark are the art guys, leaving Taeyong and Doyoung sitting side by side in the circular table of the principal cafeteria of the college.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least they are not insulting each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, uh,” Mark starts. “How are you guys doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The left side of the table says a monotone “fine” meanwhile the right side barks a “could be better.” Mark coughs lightly, nodding. He looks at Yuta for help and okay, this was all Yuta’s idea and the whole point of fake dating Mark in the first place, but he really didn’t think it would be so… like this. He was expecting more bickering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what about that poetry competition y’all had two nights ago?” Yuta comments, successfully catching the science group’s attention. “That’s so cool, we don’t have anything like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It at least makes the art guys talk, and eventually, because they can’t be quiet when art majors talk, the science majors start talking too. This time is like Yuta predicted, though, and there are aggressive remarks and a lot of bickering, but Yuta just has to look at them with sad eyes for them to tone it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s tiring, and not perfect and harmonious, but it’s a start. They have accepted being in the same place as the other group, that’s way more than what Yuta expected at the beginning of the year. Sure, Taeyong has been giving Taeil mean glances for around fifteen minutes now, and Yuta is sure Jaehyun is throwing fries in Ten’s direction, but it’s okay. He can deal with this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This proves Yuta right though. They are childish in their fights. They are literally being as immature as toddlers when insulting each other. Yuta isn’t even angry seeing them interact like this, he’s just annoyed. It’s better than having them scream and eventually fist fight, but at least that would have been more entertaining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Calmly, Yuta and Mark try to bring as much peace as possible to the table and end little fights before they turn into serious fights. They try to keep a balance and topics to talk about all the time, not allowing uncomfortable and tense silences to install themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the end of the small gathering, Yuta feels drained and without any energy left in his body. He kind of feels relieved it finally ended, but also content his plan is finally starting to show it wasn’t a complete waste of time. They made progress!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Ten leaves Yuta and Mark alone, he sighs while patting Yuta’s shoulder, smiling fondly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You care for other people too much, Yuta. You don’t have to solve everyone’s problems, and much less when it tires you out,” Ten says. Yuta snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who said I’m doing this because of you? I just want to spend time with my boyfriend and all of my friends without them trying to fight each other all the damn time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten chuckles and leaves, not saying anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, and what if Yuta wants to bring a little of peace to his friends’ lives? It’s not good to have enmities, it makes you bitter!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They are watching a movie. Well, Yuta is; Mark is sleeping, leaning on Yuta’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s three am already, and Ten is spending the night with Johnny, so Mark and Yuta have the apartment all for themselves. It wasn’t on the plan to have Mark staying there after 11 pm but they were really interested in their movie marathon and… it’s now three am, so Mark isn’t going anywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta is trying very hard not to stare. He is, really. It would be weird and uncomfortable to turn his head in an odd angle just to appreciate Mark’s sleeping face. So he doesn’t do it, and instead tries to focus on the movie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark feels warm pressed against his side, his breathing even and calm. He took his glasses off when he started to snooze, so Yuta is sure he could count his eyelashes if he just turned his head. But turning his head would make his nose bury in Mark’s hair, and Yuta can already smell Mark’s honey-scented shampoo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s driving Yuta insane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a good way. In a totally normal, good way. It would make anyone feel like this, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He does look. He barely turns his head, giving Mark a side glance.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Is it legal? Does the law allow people to look like that while sleeping? It’s not only unfair, it’s also unnatural; no one looks that peaceful and pretty when sleeping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta’s stomach feels fluttering, and his cheeks heat. He wants to hide his face in his hands and scream because Mark is so precious, so cute, sleeping on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks back at the tv and forces himself to try to focus on it, but he can’t even remember what the movie is about at this point, and it’s almost at the end anyway, so he stops trying and decides to indulge himself. Just a little look won’t hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh but it does hurt, Yuta is sure that thing he feels in his chest is pain because it’s so intense he almost feels like he can’t breathe. He is now blatantly staring, and he wants to reach and touch Mark’s cheek, but the movement would wake him up. However, Mark needs to wake up soon; they can’t stay there in the living room for the rest of the night. Yuta’s arm is starting to go numb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he takes a shaking, little breath, not wanting to move at all, and looks at Mark again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just a little while. Just a moment more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes they go out and they don’t take any pictures to post on Instagram with the intention of showing to the world how perfect, how “real” their relationship is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes they ride Yuta’s motorcycle without any destination in mind, just to feel the wind, just to free their minds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes they end up like this, at the side of an empty road, the cold weather making them press against one another. Mark is standing in between Yuta’s legs, and Yuta leans on his motorcycle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark gets closer and then they are kissing. First slowly, but soon the kiss turns fierce. Yuta wants to touch, to grab and not let go— and so he does. He grabs Mark by the nape, pulling out a little moan from Mark that makes Yuta feel like there is electricity in his veins instead of blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kissing is nothing new for them at this point, but it’s always for show. They kiss and hold hands and say sweet words but it’s always when people are around. Lately, the more time they spend alone, the more they kiss until they can’t feel their lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s starting to feel too real, but neither of them mentions it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta is used to finding himself in weird, awkward situations. Sometimes he says too much, and that gets him in trouble. Sometimes he says too little and that, too, gets him in trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing is as weird and uncomfortable as when he somehow ends up sitting with an art major and a science major. At the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Since they have started to tolerate each other, Yuta has stopped to think too much into the schedules of his friends and his own, and how they might collide and cause bad things (having art majors and science majors in the same place). So now he just sends a message to the group chats when he’s around and waits for someone to show up. And that’s how he sometimes end up like this: sitting on a bench in between Jaehyun and Sicheng.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most times it’s not bad, like when Ten, Kun and Doyoung are the ones spending time with Yuta. Sure, they bicker all the time but it’s friendly and he can see they all have fun doing that. Other times it’s so heavy and tiring, like when Donghyuck and Taeil are in the same place; Taeil doesn’t know how to react to Donghyuck’s teasing, and Donghyuck is simply a little shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jaehyun and Sicheng are probably the most chill guys Yuta has ever met, and they never really had that much trouble when it came to the rivalry thing, so objectively, being with them should be easy and likable, but oh lord the sexual tension. The longing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The pining.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta just wants to bang their heads together, so they can maybe get their shit together too. He doesn’t even know when those two started to look at the other in such a way, but he knows it all got more intense when they started to hang out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The progress Yuta and Mark are making towards the end of the rivalry is slow, but it’s progress nevertheless!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Deciding he couldn’t take it anymore, Yuta starts the conversation, an anecdote of something he and Sicheng did when they were in freshman year. Eventually, encouraged by Jaehyun’s smile and Yuta’s laugh, Sicheng contributes more and more to the conversation, until he’s the one doing the talking and Jaehyun the listening. Yuta grows gradually more silent, letting them talk among themselves, until he gives a dumb excuse to finally leave. Jaehyun and Sicheng nod and continue to chat.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>yuta</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>darling, i think i just did some amazing matchmaker job</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He texts Mark, who responds quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mark</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>oh? sicheng and jaehyun are finally doing something about that pining?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>yuta</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>if they don’t do something after this i’ll have to lock them in a closet or something ugh but anyway where are you??</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>mark</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>music room 2!! hurry and maybe i’ll play a song for you ;)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He puts his phone in his pocket and rushes to the music rooms in one of the art buildings. Mark playing the guitar is something he can’t allow himself not to witness!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still think they are kinda dumb,” Ten whispered in Yuta’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta is about to scold him when he sees Jaehyun trying to put as many fries as possible inside his nose. He looks at Ten and whispers back, “If they do that I can’t blame you, but honestly? I wish we had thought about it earlier; I bet Johnny can have 15 fries in his nose with no trouble.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten giggles and nods, turning his attention to Taeil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been a few months since Yuta started his plan, and they have certainly made progress with the rivalry issue. By now it’s pretty much just bickering and sometimes petty fights that leave everyone tense and awkward. Yuta is still doing his best, though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There are moments when he knows his friends tolerate the other just so they don’t make Yuta and Mark decide between their friends and their boyfriend; let’s say the art guys and the science guys keep fighting and decide to avoid the other forever. Yuta will go with the science guys and Mark with the art guys, so when one of them wants to spend time with his boyfriend and his friends it will be impossible because Yuta’s friends were art students and science students, who fought and couldn’t see the others without wanting to snarl, and Mark’s friends were art students who hated science students. Yuta was a science student. Just— so many things could go wrong if the two groups kept fighting!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The more time one spends doing something, the more you get used to it, and you can end up loving it. That’s the reason Yuta keeps dragging the two groups to do things together, so they get used to the others. This time it is a fast food dinner at the restaurant outside the campus. They are even starting to spend time together without Yuta there! The other day he saw Taeyong and Doyoung sharing a table in the library. Neither of them were talking, too busy reading books, but it was such a big step Yuta felt he could cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you guys going to the party the law guys are throwing?” Johnny asks, ignoring Jaehyun and Donghyuck being loud and annoying in the background. They dragged Mark into their ridiculous bullshit a few seconds ago. Yuta snickers at Mark’s unheard attempts to stop Donghyuck from putting fries in his nose just like Jaehyun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Kun replies, smiling at Johnny, who stares back like the dumb fuck he is. He even swallows right in front of Kun, making him smile even wider. Kun is smirking at Johnny very happily. “You too, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, great! See you there, then,” he winks and Yuta honestly thinks Johnny’s soul leaves his body for a few seconds after it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, the art guys have the science guys drooling all over the place!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta has a lot of things to comment about the party. Or, well, he’d have a lot of things to comment if he wasn’t busy and tipsy at the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The most unbelievable (but not the most important!) part is that all the roughness that was left was easily forgotten after a bit of alcohol and Britney Spears music. If Yuta had known it was that easy to end the rivalry, he would have thrown his own party at the very beginning, but then again, he wouldn’t have been able to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>here </span>
  </em>
  <span>if he had done so. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Here</span>
  </em>
  <span> taking us to the most important and interesting part of the night: he’s making out with Mark on a couch and things are getting a bit wild.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Where did the couch come from and why is it randomly placed in one of the corridors? He doesn’t know and he, from the bottom of his heart, couldn’t care any less, because Mark Lee (Mark Lee!) is on his lap, kissing Yuta until he’s breathless and he can’t care about anything at the moment when he’s this fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>busy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark’s hands are disheveling Yuta’s hair in his nape. When Yuta squeezes Mark’s hips, he receives a squeeze back in his shoulders. “Yuta—” Mark chokes out before Yuta smashes their lips together and it’s messy and it’s suddenly so hot in there and they are almost drunk and— and he’s not getting enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mark,” Yuta forces himself to say, voice hoarse. “I want—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Mark nods, and they are kissing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the shortest moment, Yuta wonders if this is the rule, if this is what is supposed to happen when fake dating someone. Then, he mentally scolds himself for not taking this into account. And then his brain decides it’s been enough work for the day and shuts off, leaving Yuta’s mind full of thoughts about Mark Lee and his hands on Mark Lee’s thighs and Mark Lee’s waist and then it’s thoughts about Mark’s hands and the places they are touching. And the places they could touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Taeyong is sitting beside them whining about being dizzy, sore, having a stomachache and being too drunk. It’s almost four am, Taeyong tells them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta blinks and nods. It’s time to get home. He removes his hands from Mark’s ass and Mark stands up with wobbly legs. “You take some and I take the ones that aren’t already gone?” Mark offers, referring to their friends. Yuta nods and, after a quick peck, he drags Taeyong away, taking Ten, Doyoung and Taeil with him to the cabs waiting outside. Donghyuck is “stargazing” with some other guys his age (they’re just sprawled on the street, no fucking stars in sight in this city), so Yuta puts them all in a cab. That was enough partying for them. He does the same with Doyoung and Taeil and in the end, in the last cab there are only Ten, Yuta and Taeyong, who is too drunk to be left alone in his dorm, his roommate surely still out, so he will spend the night at Yuta and Ten’s place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really, really, really, really,” Taeyong starts, slurring his words. He leans his head on Yuta’s shoulder. “—like Mark, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. He’s my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Taeyong babbles. “Since before. You were always staring, Yu. We all saw it. Saw you. We thought woah, Yuta has a crush! But we didn’t think it was serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True!” Ten chirps from the front seat, drunk and happy. “Did you even realize you’ve liked Mark for like, a year?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t like—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did, Yu,” Taeyong giggles, staring at him, his chin on Yuta’s shoulder. He’s too close, and normally it wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t for the strong smell of alcohol. He grimaces and Taeyong laughs, turning to the front again. “See? You didn’t seem grossed out when Mark was sharing spit with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was not as drunk as you, asshole,” Yuta scoffs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve liked him for so long,” Taeyong repeats, already falling asleep. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the drive is spent in silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They don’t talk about it. None mentions the thing on the couch at the party, the kisses when no one is looking, the light touches, the new sensations. They do repeat the making out, though. Yuta and Mark kiss and kiss and </span>
  <em>
    <span>kiss.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few days in which their heated kisses feel as if they were just teasing the other, they seem to have had enough, and when they are left alone in Yuta’s apartment, things don’t stop. There are kisses and hands everywhere and suddenly there’s no clothes and this is something that shouldn’t happen when fake dating someone, Yuta knows. It must be written somewhere, in a rule book or something, but Mark is panting and Yuta is not strong enough to deny himself and to deny Mark something they both want.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then the morning arrives, and Mark is still there in his bed, and Yuta realizes, and he thinks, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>panics.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh God.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, Yuta had a plan. A perfect, foolproof plan. He put a lot of thinking into it and he analyzed it over and over again, trying to find a flaw. The goal? To end the rivalry that existed between the people in art majors and the people in science majors. Or, at least, to end the rivalry between his two friend groups. If he  was able to make them actually like each other that would be awesome, but stopping the insults would be enough. Did he achieve it? Of course, he did. It was his perfect, foolproof plan, after all! So Yuta should be proud of himself. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>proud of himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s also drowning in feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, the feelings were something he really didn’t take into consideration. It was so obvious, it was right there, it was the biggest possible flaw, and Yuta didn’t see it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So here he is, painfully aware that he caught feelings for his fake boyfriend, Mark Lee, the most stunning, sweet, lovable, incredible, talented guy </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The questions Yuta has are quite varied, and go from things like </span>
  <em>
    <span>do friends do this?</span>
  </em>
  <span> to </span>
  <em>
    <span>are we still fake dating?,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but the most repeated one definitively is </span>
  <em>
    <span>does Mark feel like I do?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do friends hold each other like we do, and kiss each other like we do?</span>
  </em>
  <span> And, Yuta, no, they don’t. He knows, God, he knows friends don’t do this kind of thing. Or, at least, not with this— this sensation, at the tips of their fingers, that feels like electricity. Friends don’t feel like they stopped breathing and don’t need any air to live when they see their friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And if Yuta wanted Mark just as a friend, he wouldn’t admit that Taeyong and Ten were right that night in the cab. They were drunk as hell, but they were not dumb. They knew what they were talking about, and Yuta knew too, but can anyone blame him for crushing on Mark Lee and then not realizing it until the simple crush became a strong feeling? He is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mark Lee.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even when you’re not in love with him, you’re in love with him. So Yuta assumed everyone felt like that when seeing Mark Lee, a little in love, a little like you were flying and a little like you were not fucking real. And perhaps people did feel like that, but how many people got to know Mark as Yuta did? How many people fell in love with Mark Lee and not the idea of Mark Lee? And that was the thing, even the idea of Mark Lee was perfect, and it was true, but the real Mark Lee was much more than what the idea of him suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Yuta got to see it. He got to see </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And he fell in love. Naturally, obviously, surely, Yuta fell in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a crush. He didn’t realize it. He spent time with Mark. He fell in love. He realized it was a crush at the same time he realized he was in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ten, I’m in love with Mark,” Yuta says that night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are eating pizza in their living room. It’s late at night and there’s nothing good on the tv at this hour, but they don’t want to sleep yet. Ten looks at Yuta, mostly because he sounded so distressed, so bewildered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know, sweetheart,” Ten hums. “He’s your boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s that: Mark is Yuta’s boyfriend. They are dating. Of course they love each other, if not, why would they be dating?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is but, not really. He’s not my actual boyfriend, Ten, but I love him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Yuta doesn’t tell Ten the truth, who is he supposed to talk to? Who, if not Ten, could Yuta tell this to? Who, if not his best friend, could understand that Yuta is an idiot, but also a genius, and he did a stupid thing, and something nice came from it, but also not? So he tells Ten. From the very beginning, from the moments that made Yuat realize he needed a perfect, foolproof plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once he’s done, Ten just nods, seemingly deep in thought, but ends up sighing and looking at Yuta with a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just have to talk, but like, really talk, okay? Tell him how you feel, and tell him you want to end your fake dating thing, but that you want to date for real this time. Be clear, Yuta, and tell him what you want. Ask if he wants it too, and you’ll know what to do once you hear his answer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are on a study date because they love study dates. They sit closely and brush hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re staring,” Yuta mutters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s almost time for the library to close and it’s one of those days Mark takes Yuta home, so he isn’t in a hurry to catch the last bus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark thinks Yuta can’t feel his eyes on him, and maybe he even thinks Yuta can’t see him, in the corner of his eye, turned towards Yuta. It’s stupid, and Yuta wants to tell him to focus, but it’s late and they’ve been at it for hours now, so he doesn’t tell him to stop. It’s not like Yuta doesn’t like it, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It almost makes Yuta think Mark feels the same. It gives him confidence, the confidence he needs to talk, so he closes his book and faces Mark, who is smiling softly at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to finish our fake dating,” Yuta demands. Mark’s smile freezes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Break up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, technically,” Yuta nods. “The purpose of this was to get our friends to stop hating each other, and we achieved it, so I don’t think there’s any reason to keep fake dating.” Before he can tell him the rest, Mark also closes his book, moving his chair slightly away from Yuta’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Mark hums. “It was fun to fake date you, I guess. An experience,” Mark chuckles shyly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta’s words get stuck in his throat, all his confidence gone. There is another flaw in his new plan of dating Mark for real; does Mark even feel the same? One thing is that Yuta feels like Mark does, and another completely different thing is Mark actually feeling the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the end of the day, Yuta is just a coward in love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He forces himself to laugh too, and an annoying voice that sounds like Ten’s screams in the back of his mind for him to just say it, to just talk, to just tell him, but Yuta can’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go home now,” Yuta says, grabbing his things and standing up quickly, almost making the chair fall. “I promised Ten I’d have dinner with him. So.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, sure, let me just grab my stuff and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! It’s not— you don’t— no. I’ll just go. I told Johnny I’d wait for him to finish a project so he’ll take me home,” he stammers, and he feels so fucking ridiculous and stupid and just wants to bury himself in blankets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll wait with you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not necessary! But appreciated! Thank you!” Yuta is already walking away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yuta!” Mark calls. Yuta turns around to look at him. Mark is still standing there, and his eyes seem a little unfocused, his voice urgent. “We… we are still friends, right? We are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With all the heaviness in his heart, Yuta gives Mark his best, most bright smile. “Of course we are, darling.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then he leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta starts to avoid Mark, and prays he’s not being too obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark offered to keep taking Yuta home but he refused; it was clear Mark said that just out of courtesy, coughing awkwardly. Besides, spending time with Mark in his car would be bad for Yuta’s heart. He just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>No more study dates. The days Yuta has the apartment for himself he’s the only one there, no more Mark in the living room or using his bed to nap. He goes home in his motorcycle and no one hugs him from behind. Everything suddenly feels too empty, with too much space and too little noise. So calm it gets boring. He realizes how in just a few months Mark managed to make a space for himself in every aspect of Yuta’s life, and now that he’s not around, Yuta feels strange, as if he was doing the things in a wrong way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How odd, that in just a short amount of time Mark made Yuta forget how he used to do things before. How stupid that was: knowing it wouldn’t last, he went out of his way to change everything anyway, just to fit someone who wouldn’t stay. He got too comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not as if Mark isn’t avoiding him too, because he is, and he’s way more obvious than Yuta. Mark just smiles at him from afar when they see each other and then walks away in the opposite direction. He’s never around when Yuta spends time with the art majors. His friends started realizing all of this soon, and that was the one time Yuta talked to Mark after their “breakup”. It was to decide that Yuta would talk to the science guys and Mark to the art guys to let them know their relationship was fake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta was expecting bewildered stares, gasps and maybe even some anger. He prepared himself for the worst reactions, but the only thing he is receiving is confused looks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” is all Johnny says before drinking from his coffee. Yuta scowls, not knowing what to do with that. Is he angry?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure it was all fake?” Sicheng asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I sure?” Yuta repeats. “What do you mean? Of course I am!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His friends share some looks before nodding and continuing with their calm chatter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Taeyong tells him, with a small smile. “We used to be annoying, I’m not surprised you got angry and decided to fake date someone to… make us stop. It certainly is an interesting way to get things done, but it worked, so who cares.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That easy. They accepted it that easily. It doesn’t seem to be a big problem, and it isn’t a big problem, because it was supposed to be all fake. It was Yuta who got it all wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sits between Donghyuck and Sicheng, and continues eating, smiling and laughing at everything everyone says, ignoring the small  pain in his  chest that reminds him there’s something still wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta is one of those people who can only concentrate properly in the library. Sure, he can study and focus when he’s in other places, but to do his best and get the best results, he needs to be in the library. Mark is also like that, but he’s less prone to studying for long, long hours. He takes breaks, unlike Yuta.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anyway, because Yuta knows Mark spends a great amount of time in the library, he started to avoid going there too, not wanting to see him. He wasn’t very happy studying in his apartment, and cafes were out of question with how loud they were, so he had to endure it until his heart stopped aching for Mark.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This plan, just like his perfect, foolproof plan, didn’t go perfectly well. For a couple of days he was able to avoid the library, but he eventually had to go there for some books and to have a real study session. So here he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To make things worse, it’s one of those days where Mark used to drive him home, which makes Yuta a bit nostalgic, and it’s raining, but Yuta doesn’t have an umbrella. Waiting for the bus is not a good idea with the current rain that seems like it won’t stop for a while. He can call for a cab, but he will have to walk to the gates of the college and get wet. It’s a bad situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs. Maybe Ten is right when he tells him to stop moping or his bad vibes will start to affect the rest of his life and not only his love life. It clearly started happening, Yuta notes, because Mark is standing near the library’s door. Even though it’s obvious they are avoiding each other, they ended things well. They are not supposed to have hard feelings, and Yuta doesn’t have bad feelings about Mark, but he’s just so fucking sad. So, Yuta avoids Mark but pretends he’s fine when he just wants to cry and slap himself on the face because it’s his own fault he’s this sad, for falling for Mark Lee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs harder. He can’t just go out and pretend he didn’t see Mark, it would be too fucking obvious. Mark literally walks away when he sees Yuta, but he at least waves and smiles. If Yuta just goes without even looking at him, Mark will think Yuta is a petty guy. He isn’t, he just is, it must be repeated, sad. That’s how Yuta finds himself walking towards Mark, who observes the rain through a window, a closed umbrella in his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Yuta greets, a friendly smile on full display. Mark looks at him and swallows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the courage Yuta mustered is gone with that simple action. He can’t do this. He can’t talk to Mark Lee like a normal person. He’s too in love to do that. He just wants to hold Mark’s hand and sob over how pretty his eyes are. He can’t keep doing this, oh god.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello,” Mark hums, looking back at the rain. “Pretty sudden, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yuta wants to bite back with a snarky remark, ask him why he has an umbrella if he didn’t know it would rain. Mark is not thoughtful enough to carry an umbrella with him before going out of his dorm in the morning. He also wants to comfortably carry on with the small talk, but he’s a dumbass, too mesmerized by the beauty the guy he loves carries with him, so he takes a while to respond, and he doesn’t even realize until Mark looks at him again and Yuta just wants to cry because what is he? A middle schooler with his first crush ever? Get a grip, Yuta.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. The rain,” is what he says. Luckily, his mental ‘Ten voice’ that always appears in his mind when Yuta needs it the most screams at him to stop being an idiot, so he adds, “Are you staying until the rain stops? But that might take a long while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, I will go now. I was… I was waiting for you,” he admits, sheepishly. “I thought maybe you were here, and I thought you may not have an umbrella with you. I… don’t know if one of your friends will take you home, so I guess it’s dumb from my part to wait for you, but… Just in case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The heart palpitations. God, the heart palpitations Yuta is having.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, ah, I was going to call a cab,” he explains. “And you’re right, I don’t have an umbrella.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They share Mark’s umbrella. They walk through the nighttime campus while rain pours over them, and Yuta is closely pressed against Mark’s side. It feels like a scene from a movie, but it also feels like a fragile moment that could be broken if Yuta even dares to breathe too loudly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ride to Yuta’s apartment is silent and tense, but surprisingly, not as awkward as he thought it’d be. The sound the rain makes when hitting the car’s roof is enough to fill the lack of conversation, but not enough to erase the sensation of uneasiness that settles in Yuta and Mark’s bellies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps, Yuta should talk to Mark. How to, is the question. He just needs to start talking, Yuta knows it will all be easy once he gets rid of that uncomfortable feeling, but it’s suddenly so difficult to open his mouth and let words come out of it. Words that make sense, because he knows he can easily babble lots of words but none of them will make any sense at all. So, all things considered, it’s better to just stay silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mark parks outside of Yuta’s building. Yuta looks through the window of the car at his apartment and he sees there aren’t any lights on, so Ten isn’t home. Well, he’ll be alone, which is a sad thing, but at least he can study without any interruptions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for the ride,” Yuta smiles at Mark, who nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No problem.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What should follow after that is a simple “see you around” and then Yuta getting out of the car and quickly walking to the gates of the building so he doesn’t get too wet. However, none of that happens, and Yuta just sits in his place. Mark turns off the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not happy with the way we ended things,” Mark says, frowning. He doesn’t look at Yuta, though. “I mean, look at us, we’re clearly uncomfortable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only a bit,” Yuta laughs. It sounds painfully awkward, even to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We got to know each other better and I would really hate to lose you, Yuta… as a friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes him a while to respond, but he eventually sighs. “I would hate that too, Mark. So let’s just stop. I’m not angry, you’re not angry, we’re just idiots that are acting as if we really broke up. We weren’t even dating—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it felt like it, didn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few droplets are still falling from the clouds above. The light is dim and provided by the street lighting, but Yuta can see perfectly the way Mark’s eyes shine with determination. He doesn’t want to think too deeply about how close they are inside the car, and how warm it is. It’s cold outside. Outside there is no Mark, but also, outside there is no weird and difficult conversation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s tempting to brush the issue off and just walk to his apartment, but wasn’t that, avoiding to talk, and thus failing to speak clearly, what took Yuta to this point? The point where he is pining and awkward and sad all the time. Having this conversation won’t necessarily help Yuta to move on, but it will give him closure. It will help to accept Mark Lee won’t ever be more than his friend. So, with all the unwillingness he has in himself, he stays there and prepares himself for the worst.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>… The worst is not what happens next.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with you,” Mark blurts out. “I kind of always had a crush on you because what the fuck, you study maths and have a motorcycle. That’s so sexy. But then I got to know you better and to spend time with you and now I am in love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naturally, after that, the only thing Yuta does is stare. And stare. And keep staring.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, this is totally an outcome he didn’t expect at all, at any point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why when you asked me to fake date you I didn’t accept right away,” Mark continues in a quiet voice. “Because I knew I would just fall for you harder. I ended up accepting because I’m an idiot and I got so sad when you decided to end our fake relationship,” he laughs bitterly. “It’s so dumb. I got attached and then I got hurt, and it’s all my fault because I knew it was all pretense but did that stop me? No. I don’t even know why I’m saying this when I convinced myself to never speak about my feelings ever again—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in love with you too,” Yuta interrupts. Mark closes his mouth and Yuta can hear the sound his teeth make when colliding  because of the force Mark used. “I felt the same when I ended things and I actually wanted to tell you to start dating for real but you were so quick to brush it off that I just… froze, I guess. And then it was all over and… yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks out of the window, at the rain that still falls. Oh God, Ten is going to kick his ass and force Yuta to admit Ten was right  in telling him to just be clear with his words for things to go well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should talk,” Yuta says, already taking his seatbelt off. “But we have like… all night to do that. Right now I feel like I’ll die if I don’t kiss you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And kiss is what they do.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading !!!!!! &lt;33</p><p>title from the song w the same title by luther ingram</p><p> <a href="https://twitter.com/jenosglow">twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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